Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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