Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
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It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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