Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
