I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
