I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
