How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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