discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
