In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
