At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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