i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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