If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
