I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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