Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
