just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
