What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
