dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
