i wish there were pregnant emoticons
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
