So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
