I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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