Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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