So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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