i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
