shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
