I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
