my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
