I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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