I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
