dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
