so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
