Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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