hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
