Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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