Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
