One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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