what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
