apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
