Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
