I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
