A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
