I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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