youre lurking in front of me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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