I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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