He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
