ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
