I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
