also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
