Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
false alarm. still invincible.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
