i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize