um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
