You're my little dorito
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you made out with another girl for some wings
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
