I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
