don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
