That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
