I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
