You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
