i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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