my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
