This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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