And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I bet he comes in French.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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