You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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