i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
love makes seman taste better
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
