I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Randomize
