Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
