you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
