I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
