On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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